So, I know I do this a lot.... buuuuuuut...

I'm making a self-analytical post. This is kind of hard for me to write about since I don't talk about it that often and I don't recall ever writing about it in great depth, but I suppose that one has to begin somewhere.

I know I've talked about how I've had a difficult past and like, I'm going to get into how it was so difficult and why I think I did it and I guess there's going to be more than that as well, but that's the gist of it.

I guess it all kind of started when I was about 13. At least, that's when I stopped being who I was before that and I started being who I was from ages 13 to 17. Before 13, I was shy and quiet. I didn't have any friends, but that was alright. I sufficed on my own devices in my own company and I was happy, I suppose. Rather, I wasn't unhappy. I enjoyed myself... I read avidly, I loved science, I just... did anything I could do by myself. When I was 13, I got my first friend... and she became my first friend at the same time as she made herself my first girlfriend. I remember being young and wondering why this girl suddenly took and interest in me and I was curious but not overly curious. I mean, I had seen my peers pairing up and I wasn't actively trying to pair up as well, but it just happened. Needless to say, the two of us didn't work out for very long. To be blunt, she was a bitch. She would yell at me all the time for not holding her hand when I was supposed to and she would always yell at me for doing something she didn't like or not doing something else that she thought I should do. Eh. It was tiring. She inbtroduced me to my first boyfriend (still, at age 13), Devon. He was nice, as I recall; sweet and we got on as friends... but still, we were 12ish. Obviously it wasn't overtly meaningful. However, Devon did introduce me to something new that was overtly meaningful to the next few years of my life.

Devon introduced me to partying. He didn't mean to, but it happened. After we had "broken up" (an event which amounted to us just deciding that we didn't want to see each other after school every day anymore, oh if only life were still that simple...), we remained friends, just not as close as previously and he asked me if I wanted to go to a party with him and his older brother. Being the naive child that I was, I assued that this was a birthday party. Like for kids. Like, with a clown or pinata. Yeah... no. It wasn't that kind of party at all. Devon and I were easily the only ones south on 20 at this party. Now, being the naive and curious child that I was, when I heard this alcohol thing, my ears pricked up.

To give a tidbit of background knowledge, I come from an Italian family. I had been having a glass of diluted wine with my dinner every night since I was 10 or 11. Alcohol wasn't strange to me, but all of the different kinds were quite curious and they piqued my interest. So, of course... I drank. Devon drank a little too. This was the first time I was ever legit drunk though. It wasn't like, bad. We were just a little tipsy. So, we started dancing. That night, I danced with a fellow who was quite cuddly. I speak of him fondly and frequently; Alex. Oh, Alex. I remember that night so well despite the tipsiness.

We had been dancing together.... or at least, I was dancing and he was dancing and we just happened to be right on top of each other when doing it. I recall his hands winding their way on my hips and again, as a naive child, I guessed that this was normal. Oh, I was right then too. It was normal. So, after dancing for awhile, Alex and I ventured over to the couch for a bit of a rest and he offered to go get me a fresh drink, which I (looking back on it) accepted idiotically. Luckily, Alex is a relatively good guy and it was fine. We just sort of cuddled on the couch and talked for a bit. It didn't take him long to realize that I was younger than he had initially guessed, but he didn't want to just cast me asunder. So, yeah. That happened... and he gave me his phone number and then I called him about three days later and we hung out a few days after that at the next party. Gradually, we became really close friends. He started calling me Piper and I started calling him Lexi (which was effing dumb, ok. I admit it. Let's move on...). So, now for more introductions... Alex introduced me to some of his friends and they were all good for the most part. By then, I had become quite the little drinker. I had also learned how to get what I want, even if I wasn't conscious of myself doing that.

Several months after I met Alex, probably about July, I started to snort cocaine. Alex and his friends did it and I was curious. I remember Alex saying that he didn't think I should start, but it was my choice. So, obviously, I did it. Then of course... I fiended. That was kind of terrible, but even then, I did it again... and pretty soon I was doing it at every party. It was a casual, social thing. I'm not saying that excuses it, but it makes me feel less stupid. I've never talked about this before and I've even denied doing it, which weighed heavily on my conscience for awhile... which is when I coming out with it now.

So, basically, that was my life... I was having boyfriends at school, which doesn't go any deeper than that besides the fact that one of them gave me my first kiss (Stephen)... but otherwise, I was partying like a fool. When I turned 14, I started on being more curious and our good friend Alex steps in to introduce me to new things. this new thing was sexuality. At this point, Alex and I had been making out fairly regularly. By "fairly regularly", I mean every time we hung out. Soon enough, I had given him the first hand job that I had ever given and he gave me the first I had ever received. Not long after that (maybe a week), we moved on to mutual blow jobs. That was an interesting experience for me, to say the least.

I had a strange relationship with Alex. We did all of this stuff, but when I was 14, he made it clear that we were non-exclusive. I remember that night. We had a terrible fight and I threw a knife at him, but it missed and stuck in the wall. So, I had boyfriends aside from him too all the way up through the years.

When I was 15, I started dating a guy named David. After a month of being with David, things turned wrong and he became abusive. He hit me for whatever. It didn't matter if I had done anything or not. If he was mad, I might as well have not even talked. So, I didn't. I stopped talking or thinking for the whole time I was with him. He was worse when he was intoxicated. At one point, he was so angry with something that had nothing to do with me that I cracked me with a glass bottle in the back of the head. That was fun. So were the four stitches I got. David also went further with it, emotionally and verbally abusing me and worse. Far worse. **At this point, we've gotten in so deep that we've gotten to a point where I haven't even told my therapists about this.** I'm not sure if I'm even ready to say it now, though, I'm sure it's somewhat obvious. So, Imma just talk about it because I guess it can't hurt. Anyway, David started molesting me and he would make me do sexual things that I didn't necessarily want to do. He never actually raped me, but still. It was hard. At that time, I developed eating disorders and started picking up prescription meds to dose myself instead of the cocaine. I just wanted to sleep all the time and they let me do that.

Alex tried to help me out the entire time, but meh. I didn't know what to do and I didn't care. I was scared, sure, but I don't know. I still loved David and I thought he meant it when he said he would stop if I didn't like it. Then, seven months after started dating, David broke up with me. A week later, I attempted suicide.

That time period is kind of fuzzy for me. I remember saying something to Alex which, I guess, must have tipped him off so I don't think I was passed out for more than 20 minutes before he found me and called an ambulance. I was in the hospital for two weeks after that. They called my mother first and she said to call my father because he was closer. They called him. He never picked up. So, Alex took me to his apartment and I stayed there for a month getting better and regaining my stamina in life. during that time, I lost about 35 pounds which was... catastrophic.I was down in the high 70's for awhile and Alex made me bounce back up to high 90's. I still struggled with the eating disorders though and, even though I knew he was trying to help, I resented Alex for "making me hate myself". He got me back on my feet and within three months, I was back partying and slutting around with any guy I could land for the time being. Drinking, cocaine, and now prescription meds.

By now, I'm 16 and I was doing this and juggling boyfriends for short periods of times and not getting very attached to any of them. Then, in June, I met Daniel. Daniel was really good for me. He cleaned me up and he just... well, I was happier when I was with him. I loved him. We made all these pans for what we were going to do because we wanted a long term relationship.He wanted me to be his and I wanted him to be mine as much as I wanted to be his. We were going to go to Europe so he could make his films and I could write. three months after I met him, in August, he passed away in a car accident.

After that, I was literally broken and I had nowhere to turn. alex had abandoned me because he didn't like Daniel. He didn't like Daniel because Daniel and I had plans and Alex wanted to be a part of my plans and he didn't want Daniel to be. So, when Dan died, Alex was gone and I had pretty no one besides Nolan. Nolan was Dan's best friend since about 7th grade until he died when he was 26. Nolan helped me through it a lot and I helped him. A few months later, I met Nicky. He picked up the pieces that Nolan couldn't reach and put me back together as well as he knew how to... and we're still happy as ever, getting happier by the day.

This past summer, I entered a rehabilitation program and I've since stopped the drinking and doing coke. For the most part, I stopped doing prescription drugs that I wasn't prescribed. However, I'm on 4 different meds for anxiety, depression, and moodswings. I now have four counselors who I have to check in with twice a month and a therapist who I have phone sessions with every Wednesday.

I'm getting better, but I'm not perfect. I suspect I may come dangerously close though.

-Peter

Tis been too long.

Ah, it's been too long since my last post. I feel a bit bad. I just don't have all that much time anymore and I'm constantly busy and I never get enough sleep.

Anyway, into business.

I had a bit of Alex trouble. It didn't start off as trouble, but of course it turned into it... what else would happen?
He emailed me a lot of pictures that were taken in the last five years. Some of him, Nicky, Nolan, Sam, Nathan, me, and other people we know mutually... It was cute and I really liked how sweet it was. He also said something along the lines that he was just looking at all of these pictures and he was thinking about all the good times.

Well, that was really really sweet, so I called him and told him that he should come and visit Nicky and I with Nathan. He agreed and they also brought Nolan and Sam along. Everything seemed alright at first, but then Alex decided that, even though his boyfriend was sitting right there, he was going to be all over me. I told him to stop it multiple times, for Nathan's sake.

You see, Nicky and I have a somewhat open relationship. We talked about or values between each other and we decided that we can have close relationships with people other than each other. Nothing extreme, mind; but, we can touch and kiss out friends more intimately than other people in relationships would. This is why I wouldn't have minded, had it not been for Nathan.

I could tell that a couple of things that Alex did or said to me made Nathan a bit uncomfortable, which then made me uncomfortable, and then Nicky was uncomfortable. Alex was the only one so self-absorbed that he couldn't even tell that I wanted him to stop. So, I just discreetly explained the situation to Nicky and I excused myself to my room alone.

After awhile, Alex came up and said he wanted to talk to me... and I kept refusing and he would leave and then the process would repeat. It kind of made me more and more angry. Then, I finally let him in once and we talked for awhile. It kind of made it better, a little. I told him what an epic cunt he was being and he almost felt bad about it.I asked him if he had had the "open relationship" talk with Nathan yet (because he originated the idea and he has it with every partner he gets with for any length of time)... and he said no. I was kind of surprised, but then he explained that it's because he doesn't know how Nathan would react to it, which is very understandable.

Then, Nathan and Nicky came up to my room to hang out and Nolan and Sam left. Alex and Nathan stayed the night and then spent the day in town just wondering around. I didn't really get to see them before they left, but they seemed fine. they still haven't had the talk, but if Alex doesn't want to have it then he doesn't have to... but he has to either have it or stop doing what he's doing because it's borderline uncalled for behavior.

It tends to be difficult for people who Alex and I date to grasp that we have a history. What we have isn't going to just disappear... it just gets swept under the rug for awhile. Nicky's accepted it and he's embraced it, developing his own special relationship with Alex. I'd like for Nathan to embrace it as well because I actually like him and I think we could be really good friends. I just don't want him to resent me for what I may or may not have had with Alex at one time.

I haven't really talked to Alex much since then, so I don't know where the situation is now. I assume that if anything major had happened, Alex would have called and told me... but that's just an educated guess.

Anything else I'd say in this post would revolve around my boring life at school. I really don't feel like talking about that though, so I'll leave off now.

-Peter

The willingness of people to attempt to appreciate something they think is "important".

I think it’s funny how much of the stuff that comes across my dash was obviously reblogged because the person thought it was important. Not because it has any real significance to them in any way, but because it’s supposed to have significance. A classic rock song, protest photographs, a quote from a existentialist author, etc. People on Tumblr eat these things up whether they understand the significance or not… or even if they realize if something has a significance.

I know that this is going to sound pretentious, but I don’t care. It’s true. I’m not complaining about it anyway, I’m merely stating an observation that takes place, not only on Tumblr, but in most of society as well.

People talk about things and “appreciate” things that they think has significance to the forward momentum of a certain medium, be it music, literature, etc… For example, The Rolling Stones logo being on cut-off tees at H&M or an Ernest Hemingway quote on a coffee mug at Barnes & Nobles. People who go to these places generally aren’t consumed with why these things are significant or even if they really are. What they want is to appear as if they have achieved a higher level by being aware of the supposed significance of these things.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not doubting the significance of Ernest Hemingway or The Rolling Stones or anything else that pertains to this subject. Of course, there is significance. The thing that gets lost on these people is what exactly is significant and why. Tumblr, H&M, and Barnes & Nobles all generalize. They generalize significant specimens and suggest that every piece of what they ever did was significant. This is not the case. The Rolling Stones are not defined by every song they ever put out and Ernest Hemingway isn’t defined by every word he ever wrote. The most popular of these societal tributes are important, sure. However, they’re rarely the most important.

Culture icons such as The Rolling Stones and Ernest Hemingway don’t have significance to society. They have significance to the people who enjoy them and to their given field. Their given field… which is comprised of people who enjoy them and search for the significance to them. These people are objective. They realize that there’s more than The Sun Also Rises and a set of lips with a tongue sticking out.

The general public assumes things like this (for example, The Rolling Stones and Ernest Hemingway) to be important. When importance is assigned to something, everyone wants to make it seem as if they “get it”; as if they “understand” why it’s important and significant. This is done by purchasing a tee with The Rolling Stones logo on it or a mug with a quote by Ernest Hemingway. These objects show that the buyer totally understands the deeper meaning and the significance of the artifact. What a falsity.

The object (or reblog for Tumblraic purposes) only shows that a given person knows that there is a significance to something. It doesn’t mean that it is in anyway  significant to them or even if what they have is significant. It’s a symbol that tells other people that the buyer is aware. The buyer is deeper. The buyer has taste, culture, and intellect.
When something in society is deemed important, it is flocked to. It is flocked to until all significance is gone.

The musical significance of Lynard Skynard fades each time FREEBIRD is shouted at a concert by someone who’s never even heard the song. One may pose the question, “If they haven’t heard the song, why would they request it?” The answer is obvious when taking into account the aforementioned argument. The request the song because they think it is important and they believe that by requesting a song by a band that is revered and tragic, it makes them deep and therefore, significant and interesting.
Overall, the point is to say that people put their own significance to things that they think are already significant. This is done for a person to assume depth and intrigue… as if to say that because they realize that Lynard Skynard was a good band and they had that good song that one time and a lot of people know it and they’re tragic the person is deeper because obviously shouting FREEBIRD at a Vampire Weekend concert makes them get the deeper undertones of the song and it makes them significant as a person.

Don’t judge me by my examples.

-Peter

Hm, ok.

Well, hello there friends. In the past week or so, a couple of things have happened that have formed sort of a roller coaster in my head. It's kind of strange, I suppose. Or rather, it feels strange.

Last week, I got into a fairly large argument with Alex. We always argue, sure, but this was different. It was like how we used to argue and become the most immature people who ever lived. It gets really personal and we both use everything at our disposal against each other. We've just... known each other too long to be able to fight fairly. It's unfortunate, but at this point in time, it's resolved and I feel like it's resolved to a good point where things will be solid for a long time. But, I don't know. I thought it was solid last week... and then he just got bent. So, maybe the arguments just inevitably happen.

This week, late Monday night, I learned that my ex boyfriend, Chase had passed away. That's still kind of eating me up a bit, but it's getting less difficult. He was riding his bike with his boyfriend, Jaren, on the back and crashed... and he passed away, but Jaren is relatively ok. He has cuts and bruises and a broken pelvis... which sucks, because he couldn't go to Chase's funeral and I'm pretty sure he has to be kept in a medically induced coma for awhile. I wanted to visit him in the hospital, but then I figured that only his family could be in there... so, I don't know. I didn't know him well anyway. It probably just would have been awkward, though I still plan on talking to him about it when times are fit.

On Wednesday, really early in the morning, like just after midnight... my mother had her baby. It turned out to be a girl and my mother named her Charlotte Carrier Oberman-Morales. I suggested both names, Charlotte and Carrier... so I'm kind of stoked that my mom picked them for it. So far, I like Charlotte, but she's annoying as all Hell. The walls here at my mom's house are paper thin... so I'm constantly woken up by her mewling and crying. Nicky and I will probably head back to our place soon because of it.
Here's Charlotte:

So, yeah. That's it. It's pretty cute, I guess... and it's my sister... so I'm it's brother. That's weird. I'm actually closer to my mother in age than this baby, if that's not weird enough.

Friday night, I got bored and I was bopping around my room and I found some stuff which pleased me... so, I ended up tripping the night away. I was convinced that the floor was actual lava and Nicky and I were stuck on our bed unable to get away. The room had also turned into water, as did my legs. My legs were water in a room full of water. Yeah. Then I "passed out" or rather, fell asleep... and my explanation for that was that it was from not being able to breathe in the room full of water... It was just a funny night and it's kind of great to go back and read my aim conversations and see how fucking crazy I sounded.

Yesterday... meh. I just went out for a bit. It was kind of fun, though. I got a couple of books and a bagel. I love bagels. Kelly came over last night and hung out for an hour. I missed her. She's great.

Now, I'm getting stoned. Yay.

-Peter

Yesterday was my birthday.

Nineteen is a strange age... it's kind of a reject-age like, 14 and 20. Sure, you're another year older and into the rite of passage even deeper, but they're more of a resting place than a graduation.

I had a pretty good birthday, though. Class went from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm, so that kind of sucked, but I liked the class and I got a lot done which made up for it. Early on, I found like, $80 on the ground. I was like, wizard. I am God. There was also free food for Valentine's Day... though it was a day late... which put it on my birthday. Millions of cupcakes later, I had take home boxes full enough to be an actual cake and a balloon. I bought some more food, as if I hadn't eaten enough already, with some of the money I found and I'm going to use more of it to buy more food today.

I never noticed until recently how often I eat. It's kind of repulsive... at least, it is to me. I never ate this much and now I'm afraid that I might start gaining weight... which would be tragic. So, I'm going to definitely try to eat far less. Either that or I could exercise more... ew. I'll just eat less. Yeah.

Luckily, Nicky and I are getting past that whole clingy stage of our relationship where we have to be in constant contact and always together. It's not that I try to be apart from him for long periods of time, but it just works out that way some days. Nothing's really changed though, he just seems a little more excited to seem me lately when he gets the chance and I know that I anticipate seeing him more now.

We both go our separate ways often enough now and we have our own friends and then a group of mutual friends who we interact with. I remember when it was just the two of us every day. That was a lot of fun and it got us really used to each other and aware of each other enough that we rarely argue for real anymore. I mean, we never really argued and fought anyway, but it's just nice that we still don't have that. I do get annoyed with him and I'm sure he gets annoyed with me, but we know how to deal with it without everything exploding up. Sometimes I miss seeing him all the time though. That comes with the territory of being a human though... always wanting what you don't have.

Oh well, this whole post probably makes no sense, but that's alright for now.

-Peter

Hm. Oh. Yeah. There's that thing that's going to happen tomorrow, it's called the future.

Well, I actually have a legitimate blog post this time. Well, I guess it classifies as legitimate... even though, at the time of submission, I consider each and every one of my posts legitimate... though, that confidence deteriorates over time. Anyway, this one... well, it's about Nicky and my future kids. Kids... something that I refuse to think about until Nicky brings it up, even though he always makes it clear that he wants kids when he's 27. The exact age. 27. I told him to suck a dick. He's getting no guarantees.

So, yeah. Somehow, the topic of kids came up. Well, not really "somehow", Nicky literally said, "I wonder what our kids will be like?". I had to remind him that we couldn't make a baby ourselves, so that brought up the discussion of possible ways we could acquire a child.

Obviously, there's adoption. However, I don't know how adoption laws will change in the coming years, but right now, as far I know, two men cannot adopt a child together. (Utterly ridiculous, government oppression, the whole shebang) So, there's always adopting overseas. I think that a little Russian baby would be nice; maybe an Asian baby, but probably not. I don't know, any kid would do. We just... want one. Preferably a boy. I honestly don't know what either of us would do with a girl. That's a lie. A girl would be fine, actually. I can see us raising a girl. Aw. kfvnjrtklelmgjnkmlkf;,.

There are other means of acquiring a child though. Nicky and I could hire someone to be a surrogate mother... but that's often a messy process. With that option, I would be far pickier.

First of all, the woman would have to be impeccably attractive with a spotless health background. Young, fit, intelligent, beautiful, independent, etc. I will not intentionally have someone get pregnant just to end up with an ugly baby with this that and the other mongoloid disorders. No. I just won't. Adopted? Sure, I'll love whatever godawful spawn you want to give me. Surrogate mother? It'll look exactly how I want it to if I have to rearrange it's genes in a petri dish.

I know that it could be arranged for Nicky or me to be the father. I would want Nicky to be the father for two reasons. One, because it would mean a Hell of a lot more to him to be it's blood-father than it would to me. Two, I want his hair genes in our baby. He has the most amazing hair genes. It grows full, thick, soft, all over, and more importantly... ginger. I need a ginger baby. Need. Need. Need. NEED. 

So, that's what Nicky and I have been talking about for the last two hours. We discussed ideal mothers, Scarlett Johanssen, Abbie Cornish, Ellen Page, etc... Names were the big thing  though. Nicky and I really want to find a perfect name for our kid... it seems like the least important thing, but it's crucial. IT defines the child's entire life experience. Shit name, shit life. Rad name, rad life. It's true. It happens. Nicky and I both have decent names, so we've both had decent lives.

We both like semi-unique names without getting into ridiculous names that look like one just threw a bag of scrabble pieces at the wall and took whatever made a scrap of sense. We also like some more common names and names that have meaning to us.

For example, Nicky and I both like Caroline. That's his mother's name and I find it sweet and endearing. I like Nina, for my gramps. We both like the name Beth, but it's kind of strange because it was the name of this girl who Nicky kind of loved.

We both like androgynous names... (like Carrier, Cauley, Gaines, Ryder, etc) that could work for a boy or girl.

Specifically for a boy, I like Daniel, for obvious reasons. Nicky likes Thomas and Kiefer. I kind of also like feminine names for boys, like Ashley and Kelsey, but those would need just the right baby to pull them off.  Not every boy is an Ashley.

So, yeah. This is what Nicky and I have been thinking about. Sure, it won't happen for 6 or 7 years, but we might as well be prepared for when it does, because it will eventually.

On another note, last night, Nicky and I had an open phone conversation with Mitch. The subject turned... peculiar and I dropped out of it but I still listened to what Mitch and Nicky said. It was disgusting to say the least, but it provided entertainment for about an hour or two.

To put it into context, it all started from this image:

Then, the conversation went as follows:

Mitch: No man will ever be satisfied on Valentine’s Day because no woman will ever have a chicken wing-vagina that cums ranch dressing and pepperoni nipples that aren’t a misnomer.

 Nicky: What if vaginas were all made of chicken wings? and that’s where chicken wings came from? What if people have been eating vaginas all this time?

Mitch:  Dude, if vaginas were chicken wings then I wouldn’t mind eating Elena out, haha. I don’t think she’d like hotsauce in her cooch though.

 Nicky: I ate out this girl and she kind of tasted like chicken wings once. Kind of.

After Nicky said something about a girl’s puss tasting like chicken wings, Mitch was like like, “Wait. Was it [poor, unfortunate girl]?” and Nicky said, “Yeah, dude. How did you know?” to which Mitch replied, “She totally tastes like chicken wings, man! I thought it was just me!” and then I shot myself in the head.

The conversation didn't get any less strange after that, though. Oh no. It never has and it never will.

Nicky: What if there were like… vaginal dressings. So like… they could be seasoned and marinaded like meat, so then they would taste better. Garlic-butter vag sounds gross. Honey barbecue doesn’t sound bad though.

 Thank you, Nicky, for those pearls of wisdom.

Ahh, and with that utter trauma. I leave off.

-Peter

Eyyyyo. Well, newest post is new.

Yeah, so. Sup, bros?

Nicky and I went to the mall today and then we ate and came back home. I bought a sweater that's kind of cute from PacSun. I let Nicky put it on and he ended up falling asleep and Liam cuddled up next to him. It was the most adorable thing I had seen all day. Nicky just looked so innocent and sweet; but, he was hot when he woke up... and itchy. So, he pulled the sweater off and threw it on my head and his hair was all messy. It was... aww. It was adorable. Now he's reading his book and Liam is cuddling with me. I think he really likes the sweater, which, now smells like Nicky and cats. Two best smells ever. Wizard.

Nicky and I are turning into regular mall rats. Almost every weekend lately... but, it's hasn't lost it's flair yet. There are just too many peculiar people to see and watch. We got Chinese at the mall so that was great... I hadn't had Chinese in forever; neither had Nicky.

I have a three-page paper to write... for Monday. Ah well. I haven't even really picked a topic yet, but it'll probably surround Harry Potter. That's pretty much my go-to topic when I can't think of anything else.

Speaking of Harry Potter, I've been listening to a lot of wizard rock lately. That's a genre of music based off of Harry Potter, if you don't know and... it's wonderful. Gred & Forge is probably my favorite band of what I have in my collection, but Harry & the Potters are good, as well as Draco & the Malfoys and The Remus Lupins.

After I finish this post, I'm going to make some tea and probably have some toast with that. I haven't been feeling well lately and tea with toast sounds better than anything anymore. Besides the Chinese earlier, it's all I've been eating with the occasional grapefruit to get some Vitamin C.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life post-college. I had several idea that I liked and felt were in my ability to accomplish yet still challenging.

• Filmmaker- I really like this one. I've been really into film and learning about it recently. Next semester at my school, there's a class on digital filmmaking. I plan on taking it and hopefully that will either reassure me or tell me that I'm not fond of that path.
• Restauranteur- What? Yeah, haha. It's funny, ebcause I was honestly joking when I first started thinking about this. I had been eating so much toast and drinking so much tea that I was like, I should just open a little cafe that serves breakfast foods. Then, I got to thinking aobut it and it really blossomed into a full-fledged career path. Tea, coffee, espresso, smoothies, and other things like milk and juice with toast, french toast, muffins, bagels, eggs, scones, etc. Then, I had an expansion idea... there could be shelves of books for people to read and/or buy and perhaps an area where local musicians could play. The idea is too hipster to fail.
• Artist- Yeah. I actually had to think of this one. I kind of want to see if I can make it just on my art alone. Of course, for that to work, I have to figure out what "my art" is exactly and who my target audience would be... that will come in time, I expect. I have three years to figure it out, anyway.
• Journalist/writer- I've been hearing that journalism is dead now, thanks to the blogosphere. I don't think that that's necessarily true. Newspapers my be outdated and dead now, but people will always want a reliable source for the facts. Blogs are often too biased to give that, and it's not to the fault of the bloggers. I have several blogs and on them, I say whatever I want. It doesn't make it always true, nor does it mean that anyone should take it seriously. Journalism, when one disregards the corruption of it, gets the facts out their in an allegedly non-biased way with skill. However, if I'm wrong and journalism is dead, writing will never be. I can still commentate through books. I've been trying out writing my memoirs of my teenage years lately. So far I haven't been very successful; at least, not in achieving the tone I'm looking for. I still have the rest of my life to do it though. So, that's good. I've also thought a lot about writing narrative/informative essays in book form. So, that's something to consider as well... and I always have my poetry to fall back on.
• Musician/Songwriter- This is weird for me. I never really considered being a musician as a "career" or even as a serious hobby. But, lately I've been thinking about it and it kind of makes sense for me to put a bit of time into it. I write a lot of songs and I play the piano well, so, why not? Even if it's just a hobby, it could still be fun.

So, yeah. All that's been in my head lately. Nicky's been really patient with my constant mood swings about it... Often times, if I have a lot to think about and I keep it bottled, I swing like hell. He knows that and he tries to be as helpful as he can, which is very and he's always far more patient with me than I even am with myself. So, that's fun.

Anyway, I'm hungry and thirsty and still feeling a cold on me... so I'mma go do that.

-Peter