/huff

Well, that was fail...

what a shock.

but anyway.

I feel severely neglected. I don't know why. I don't think I'm high-maintenance or anything, so I don't understand why I feel like this. I just feel... sort of... left out. =.\ It's rather depressing too, like, I'll consider myself happy, until something else happens, and then, I'm the complete opposite and I don't even want to be around anyone or talk to anyone or do anything. So, I end up neglecting Nicky or other people, when I feel neglected by them and they weren't even neglecting me. I suppose I do like attention sometimes, but still. =.\ Like, it goes to a point where I feel like no one wants me around or that life would go on if I just left and never came back.

I need a new purpose in life, because I'm going on without one and that's no good.

-Peter

The Thespian Falling.

Naivety, is a lovely thing. The man with golden hair passed his shoulders waits on a park bench for the kiss that never comes. He waits hours, but when no one arrives, a tear falls down his cheek but it's swallowed up by the rain and he dies in peace. The golden haired man is tired, but he's not sleepy. Sleep resists his grasp, but he chases it as if it were the king's fox in the royal hunt. the chase is over when he catches up with a little help of oxycontin and a shot of his favorite brandy. Everything is okay for him, one last night. His feel pull him up the stairs and out of his clothes when he lays down for bed. The sheets are warm, but he's chilled to the bone. Besides him, the bed is empty and it makes him sad. It tugs on his lips at the corner and drags them down like his eye lids. The man finally catches his prize and it succumbs to his demands, and he's out for the night. Dreams haunt him like dark fairies and a few more tears escape from closed eyes. Spiders creep at the corners of his mind and everything is dusty. His subconscious searches and comes back red, but empty handed. When the golden haired man wakes up, the sun paint him yellow and he's afraid. Fear brings blood to his cheeks and his wrists are blue. Everything is calm [except for his heart] and he goes out of the apartment that reminds him of that one who he loves, but can never say he loves for lack of material subject matter. It bloodies his thoughts and he broods.

Breeds of long forgotten lovers paint his thoughts when he leaves the day for dead and dives into night. Rainbows may be refractions of sun beams but  strobe lights run on batteries. His heart races at high volumes and everyone is flying. Another star-struck lover for a lonely night where you're surrounded by empty robots with human hair. It's lovely hair and he winds his fingers into one's head in particular. Ravenesque, it falls to shoulders and it's warm. The robot is warm, and he golden haired man finds himself with another human. The raven is in transformation, but he caught him before it was too late. A heart still beats in his chest and his brain makes some decisions for itself. How refreshing. Loneliness is their Incubus and it seduces them to a bedroom where legs are spread and names are exchanged. It's love at first site, but the morning arrives and they part. The man staggers home empty handed once more and he goes back to bed with another oxycontin and a loaded mind. It's gone and so is he. Back to La La Land once more where the green fairy takes him to pleasures of the Gods. A place where juice drips down his fingers like how it did the night before.

Fools fall for their one night stand and the golden haired man isn't claiming intellectuality. He feels himself falling strong and hard as he makes his way home and back to blank spaces in time. He asks around, but no one has seen the Raven for a week. He's sure he's been forgotten and once more, his eyes fill up with salt water and they burst. Another day and another party, he hunts around couches piled with liquored-up blossoms, and he finds his treasure... but his Raven is wrapped around another arm and the golden-haired man's heart drops. He watches lips lock and he's jealous of the behavior he sees. Wishing it was himself he walks over, unconscious of what he's doing. The Raven turns and the golden man is filled with pink when the other's eyes brighten and his name falls perfectly formed from their lips. Goldie melts and the Ravenesque follows. They disappear together again and once more legs are spread and fears are exchanged this time rather than names. Adoration is admitted on one side, but the golden man disappoints his object of affection when he's not so sure how to requite it. He's been hurt but he loves again. He opens his mouth but all the leaks out through his teeth is a quite bid goodnight. They rest together, breathing together, and they fall asleep wrapped and entangled with each other in a stranger's bed with Bacardi on their breath. Everything goes quiet and they wake together. Their lips dance one more time before parting and they find their rides and separate.

For hours, days, weeks their paramour lead on. A renaissance in every facet of the word. It was beautiful and nothing was grey anymore. Goldie couldn't believe his eyes when he'd look out his balcony and his Raven was their calling for his hair. His ears were bemused at the sound and he tossed his hair and the Ravenesque ascended toward his window. A bed of clover and roses spread across his bed and floor to cushion the impact or the lovers crashing like meteors on errant paths. They're draped in flower petals that materialize out of nowhere from the ceiling fan and they're covered like snow.

Lovers come and go, but diamonds are forever. The golden haired man and his Raven part again, and the man goes home. His heart, full of love and a smile cracking his face. It's summer, and he found his sun. But, night comes and so does winter. The doe eyes sing in his memory when he closes his eyes in his bed again and sleep rushes to catch up with him. they're like a drug, those doe eyes. Lifting him up where he belonged, out of the bushes and into the trees. The diamonds in the sky sparkled across Andromeda like Lucy and the mascara stuck their eyes. Waking up, the man was a flutter. Those eyes... he loved them. they clouded his vision in a blued haze... they blocked painful reality and he crashed... head on into a Mazda. The lights went out and he was dead on arrival. When the news wafted through the air and met the Raven, he let out a pitiful cry into the night. It was torture and life was hell. Love is hell. Everything became black, but his blood stained red on the dashboard. A week passed and it was fading into blurry grey and unlivable. The Ravenesque looked out the window like canary and leapt out to take flight. But, he fell like cold steel to the ground and shattered, and the pain was still there. Sprained ankles and a broken heart disguised as a failed attempt at suicide. A scab formed, but the pain still throbs. Naivety breeds fools for lovers.

fin

-Peter

My mom... x3

She is so weird... in an awesome way. Like, she sat here and gave me this long lecture about since we don't believe in God/aren't Christians we can't celebrate Christmas. So, I'm like, ok. So what? And she goes off... on things... about how we're celebrating Nature. Like, the tree represents being one with Nature and we decorate it to honor it's branches and majesty. The gifts represent giving to each other like Nature gives to us. I'm like, "Smoking the ganja represents humans destroying Nature... and the high is Nature forgiving humanity." I think she figured all this out when she was high... she's still blazing. x3

-Peter

Well, I'd like to take this time...

... To mention that I like fireworks.

I also like Dance Gavin Dance, Oreos, and Little Miss Sunshine.

Shall I make this entire entry about my likes? Perhaps even dislikes, if I'm ambitious enough...

Well, I enjoy a nice glass of merlot, cabernet, and even blush wine. A nice bacardi mixed mojito is also nice on a hot day, in my opinion. Champagne is nice on occasion, but somewhat fizzy for every weekend consumption. Beer is disgusting and therefore banished from my alcohol palette as is whiskey. Vodka is good, straight or mixed. Brandy everyone once in awhile, I suppose but not very often. Once a year as it is available most likely. In an Italian family, there are ready stocks of every variety of wine around every corner. Mainly Italian varieties, but also a fair share of french (hence the aforementioned favorites) and a nice British sherry.

I prefer menthols to non. Newports are... gross. Like, I can't even smoke them. They taste terrible. Camel is alright, Marlboro is my choice.

As for that, let's go to a more age legal like. Coffee. 100% Colombian black. No milk. No sugar. Straight black. I like my tea the way I like my coffee, but I like a variety of teas... any kind, really. At least any kind that isn't a fruity potpourri flavor. Black tea, green, chai... yum. ^^ I hate apple-cinnamon tea and raspberry zinger. they fail madly at tea and are just hot fruit juice. Nasty as hell.

I like trying new varieties of both coffee and tea, from various places. Starbucks fails at coffee. It's stale and overbrewed, as well as overpriced, however, their TAZA teas are pretty good. Still overpriced, but whatever. Treat yourself a little bit. Anyone who says they only like Starbucks, doesn't appreciate coffee for what it is. They're a trend-whore and you should disown them immediately. Or publicly humiliate them.

Books... I'll give anything a fair shot and at least the first 50 pages. Like, I love Harry Potter. All of them. I read all of the Twilight books, but I still don't like them. Never really honestly did. I can try to read anything, just to challenge myself but even I can't make miracles happen and I can't make a boring book seem interesting. Like, an author should do that themselves... make me WANT to read it. and by that, I mean more than a flashy title and indie cover art. James Frey's A Million Little Pieces is wonderful, even if it was embellished. Other great books are... The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus, Hyperspace by Michio Kaku, and People Are Unappealing by Sara Barron to name a few. Terrible book in my opinion... well... I'd rather not say. I'll defame books later, perhaps another entry.

I love intelligent conversation, but it's not like I detest mindless babbling. Sometimes those are mentally freeing. But, yeah. It's fun and all to just blather glib back and forth, but something you need something to the conversation to keep your wits... religious view, political ideals, anything that dwells on theory really. I like to learn other people's views to enhance my own... I'm rather flexible and I think I can change my opinion based on what another person says, as long as it's not completely shaped by them, of course. I take that standard for everyone as well as myself. For instance, if you don't know you're stuff and you're debating with me, I'll rip you to shreds. I'm usually quite respectful of other people and i think everyone has a right to their opinion, but honestly, if you can't back it up, there's no point in even having an opinion. You're wasting my time.

I like animals... mostly birds and reptiles, but every animal in general. There are some that I don't like... for example, tapirs. Their noses look like penises. It's just odd. Like, it's not that I hate odd animals, I just don't like dick-noses. Cats, I adore. They're adorable, sweet, funny, independent, and feisty. I also like lambs, zebras, hamsters, peacocks, any and all baby animals, and chameleons.

Clothesss... the tighter the better. Skinnies and girl shirts ftw. I loathe baggy pants and 3X shirts. boxers are often to big, so I swing for the nicer, prettier, lacy numbers from Victoria's Secret.  I prefer ruffles and lace... they're so cute. Like, I love shopping for them. Vests are another thing  I like, as well as striped socks, thigh-highs, fishnets, leggings, tights, short shorts... and flannels. =.3

As for guys, I think I'm open for anything. Besides morbidly obese. Like, honestly, not to be an asshole, but if I can hide behind you, I'm not having sex with you. I can only suck your dick if I can find it under the rolls too. Slim is nice, but even a little bulky is good too. Bigger teddy bear guys that I can cuddle. =.3 Also, I like older guys and I dislike younger, I'd never date younger. It just goes against me. All of my serious love-interests have been older. Even if my only one year. Same age at the youngest. Nicky is... wonderful. Not too old, not too young. Tall, slim, but still something to him. I ADORE his red hair and I worship it. His green eyes are beautiful. I suppose I like brown eyes too, but they're a little... drab. Blue eyes, meh. Boring. Grey eyes are lovely. black are are cute, and hazel eyes are so pretty. I also like it when a guy is honest, loyal, experienced, intelligent, smart, understanding, caring, and just all around wonderful. I know, I ask a lot but whatever. I found someone like that so, obviously it's worth it.

Food... I don't know. I really don't like much food. I'm a vegetarian, and I despise meat. It really just sickens me... eating flesh and muscle... *gags* Most fruits and vegetable I like, I suppose. Pizza, some pasta, real Italian alfredo. Not the nasty American kind with milk in it... that's just wrong. I mean... ew. Have they tried it the good way? My Gramps' tomato sauce is bomb ass too. Hmmm... Pretty much, I dislike food and I dislike everything about it. I eat as little as possible except when it comes to Chinese... then I like it and eat it.

Well, I dislike sleeping, but I love my bed. So, for now, I'm off. Too tired to continue. x3 Maybe I'll pick it back up tomorrow where I left off... tv, movies, who knows. ^^

-Peter <3