Hm. Oh. Yeah. There's that thing that's going to happen tomorrow, it's called the future.

Well, I actually have a legitimate blog post this time. Well, I guess it classifies as legitimate... even though, at the time of submission, I consider each and every one of my posts legitimate... though, that confidence deteriorates over time. Anyway, this one... well, it's about Nicky and my future kids. Kids... something that I refuse to think about until Nicky brings it up, even though he always makes it clear that he wants kids when he's 27. The exact age. 27. I told him to suck a dick. He's getting no guarantees.

So, yeah. Somehow, the topic of kids came up. Well, not really "somehow", Nicky literally said, "I wonder what our kids will be like?". I had to remind him that we couldn't make a baby ourselves, so that brought up the discussion of possible ways we could acquire a child.

Obviously, there's adoption. However, I don't know how adoption laws will change in the coming years, but right now, as far I know, two men cannot adopt a child together. (Utterly ridiculous, government oppression, the whole shebang) So, there's always adopting overseas. I think that a little Russian baby would be nice; maybe an Asian baby, but probably not. I don't know, any kid would do. We just... want one. Preferably a boy. I honestly don't know what either of us would do with a girl. That's a lie. A girl would be fine, actually. I can see us raising a girl. Aw. kfvnjrtklelmgjnkmlkf;,.

There are other means of acquiring a child though. Nicky and I could hire someone to be a surrogate mother... but that's often a messy process. With that option, I would be far pickier.

First of all, the woman would have to be impeccably attractive with a spotless health background. Young, fit, intelligent, beautiful, independent, etc. I will not intentionally have someone get pregnant just to end up with an ugly baby with this that and the other mongoloid disorders. No. I just won't. Adopted? Sure, I'll love whatever godawful spawn you want to give me. Surrogate mother? It'll look exactly how I want it to if I have to rearrange it's genes in a petri dish.

I know that it could be arranged for Nicky or me to be the father. I would want Nicky to be the father for two reasons. One, because it would mean a Hell of a lot more to him to be it's blood-father than it would to me. Two, I want his hair genes in our baby. He has the most amazing hair genes. It grows full, thick, soft, all over, and more importantly... ginger. I need a ginger baby. Need. Need. Need. NEED. 

So, that's what Nicky and I have been talking about for the last two hours. We discussed ideal mothers, Scarlett Johanssen, Abbie Cornish, Ellen Page, etc... Names were the big thing  though. Nicky and I really want to find a perfect name for our kid... it seems like the least important thing, but it's crucial. IT defines the child's entire life experience. Shit name, shit life. Rad name, rad life. It's true. It happens. Nicky and I both have decent names, so we've both had decent lives.

We both like semi-unique names without getting into ridiculous names that look like one just threw a bag of scrabble pieces at the wall and took whatever made a scrap of sense. We also like some more common names and names that have meaning to us.

For example, Nicky and I both like Caroline. That's his mother's name and I find it sweet and endearing. I like Nina, for my gramps. We both like the name Beth, but it's kind of strange because it was the name of this girl who Nicky kind of loved.

We both like androgynous names... (like Carrier, Cauley, Gaines, Ryder, etc) that could work for a boy or girl.

Specifically for a boy, I like Daniel, for obvious reasons. Nicky likes Thomas and Kiefer. I kind of also like feminine names for boys, like Ashley and Kelsey, but those would need just the right baby to pull them off.  Not every boy is an Ashley.

So, yeah. This is what Nicky and I have been thinking about. Sure, it won't happen for 6 or 7 years, but we might as well be prepared for when it does, because it will eventually.

On another note, last night, Nicky and I had an open phone conversation with Mitch. The subject turned... peculiar and I dropped out of it but I still listened to what Mitch and Nicky said. It was disgusting to say the least, but it provided entertainment for about an hour or two.

To put it into context, it all started from this image:

Then, the conversation went as follows:

Mitch: No man will ever be satisfied on Valentine’s Day because no woman will ever have a chicken wing-vagina that cums ranch dressing and pepperoni nipples that aren’t a misnomer.

 Nicky: What if vaginas were all made of chicken wings? and that’s where chicken wings came from? What if people have been eating vaginas all this time?

Mitch:  Dude, if vaginas were chicken wings then I wouldn’t mind eating Elena out, haha. I don’t think she’d like hotsauce in her cooch though.

 Nicky: I ate out this girl and she kind of tasted like chicken wings once. Kind of.

After Nicky said something about a girl’s puss tasting like chicken wings, Mitch was like like, “Wait. Was it [poor, unfortunate girl]?” and Nicky said, “Yeah, dude. How did you know?” to which Mitch replied, “She totally tastes like chicken wings, man! I thought it was just me!” and then I shot myself in the head.

The conversation didn't get any less strange after that, though. Oh no. It never has and it never will.

Nicky: What if there were like… vaginal dressings. So like… they could be seasoned and marinaded like meat, so then they would taste better. Garlic-butter vag sounds gross. Honey barbecue doesn’t sound bad though.

 Thank you, Nicky, for those pearls of wisdom.

Ahh, and with that utter trauma. I leave off.

-Peter